Step in Some Direction

So, it looks like day number two, always a good start. I wasn't going to entertain this blog until Monday but I felt like writing. Yesterday was one of those days you look back on and laugh. Ever held emotions for too long and one day they just come pouring out all at once? You have to be curious as to why anyone even bottles it up in the first place. You and everyone else around you know you'll come clean eventually. And most of the time be slightly embarrassed when you do. But at least it's all out there and now all that's left is the next bottle reaching it's limit.

I believe death was the topic of the day. How to manage it, how to cope. I never had anyone I truly knew kick any buckets, how can you prepare yourself for that without setting up a nearby coffin for yourself?

Today, I'll be shopping. That's the temporary fix to most of life's problems. I'm sure you find yourself buying a gem or two when you feel a bit overwhelmed. It's easier to concentrate on a manual than all the things you think you still need to do to be content in the world. I'm going to cut this one short and I sense I may not be present tomorrow but I'll already be typing for Monday.

Cheers~

Taking the first step

Gotta wonder how many times a day, someone else does something they never thought they would. Whether it'd be jumping out of a plane or writing a simple blog, each day there feels like a few seconds are dedicated to curious faces and wondering what happened to lead us here.

I haven't worked that long...about two years in the design industry maybe, straight after college. But I felt like everything I had found myself in didn't quite fit. I loved drawing and designing random things but it didn't feel as good creating things for other people. Sure it was nice when they really liked what they saw, but I always found myself preferring something they did not and wanting all the time in the world to perfect it to my taste.

All that being said, I decided to do just that given my current situation. I'm currently a New Yorker residing in Sydney. For how long? Who can tell. I don't quite feel at home yet, but who would after 24 plus years in what may be the greatest city to be in. Funny writing that, as while living there all I could imagine was getting out. Have to wonder why sometimes you hate what you have and miss what you don't. It might be the New York ego, it's hard not to feel special living there, picking out the tourists light years away. Here, it's quiet...it's the place you convince yourself you desperately want to live in and question to death when you do. I figure it all takes time, it's only been about two weeks so far.

I diverted myself from my original goal, but who doesn't these days? I'm out of real work and looking for a future. I don't wish to be famous but I wish to develop a style, that maybe a few people here and there will come to notice. I started with this whole Zazzle thing...I have a long way to go. So far, I only have a few items for sale, not near where I want to be but it's a start. I have no idea if this will become anything but it's that lack of knowledge, the unknown that keeps me walking through the dark wall-less(made up word? why not) tunnels. Sometimes you want to turn around, run and find that other job, you know, the one with the set hours, the desk and most of all the security of a paycheck. I want something else, where I can sit at home and do what I love for hours and sell it to some person near or far who insists on obtaining my creations. Luckily, thanks to my situation, I can do that. I can spend the time I feel I need to get as many designs done and out there, then work on this promoting and see what happens. Will I be successful? Possibly. That's the fun and fear.

I excel at rambling. Just ask my guy. I'm pretty sure this blog itself will consist of endless rambles, thoughts and feelings. I may as well write them down somewhere. It will be interesting to see how easy it to keep up. The last journal I had was ages ago with one entry in 1998 and the following in 2002. This will be a challenge to keep up and hopefully I won't bore anyone that feeds their eyes on it. Although if I do, I'm not sure if I really would feel bad or if I should just laugh at the idiot who kept reading.

Cheers~