Down to One

Read some of those fabulous news stuff today. Interesting what can be found. Not exactly new but here's a simple link to one, http://www.nhs.uk/news/2008/10October/Pages/Breastsgenesandcoffee.aspx. It's in relation to coffee and smaller breast. Now if only there were something that increased it substantially without surgery, that's a real cause for news. But don't tell everyone, just tell me. I can keep secrets, safe and sound. Funny though, if you listen closely, you can hear the coffee brewing in the background. It's been an early wakeup call today and I couldn't help but succumb to it again.

I'm going back to learning web design, hoping to create an array of random but beautiful sites. I haven't been able to remain too commited thus far, but as always, time will have to tell.

Thinking with the Center Side

None of the fears have swayed. Seem as strong as they were yesterday and yesterday's yesterday. It took me years to be at peace in my own city, will it be the same here? 

I was desperately searching work through internet marketing and such. I feel so compelled to make it work. Fingers are crossed in every possible way but I feel rather hopeless about it. It'd be wonderful, no doubt but my faith in it isn't there. Between learning about CSS, HTML, XHTML, and a bunch of other stuff, I am scattered in my thoughts and unsure of where this is all leading to, if anywhere at all. I could be running myself in a rampant circle to keep from thinking about everything else that would plague me without it. 

Money is such an important deal. Can't be at peace without it. I guess time will tell how things sort out, we'll see. 

Roadblock

Have you ever had that one thing that under no circumstance you would take part in? Have you ever thought it to be the silliest thing ever, even to yourself but would keep to it anyway? I'm in one of those loops and I don't want to get out of it. I like being in there, it's one of my many "things".

We kick ourselves everyday...trip over our own shoe strings. And we mean to. We like falling down, we love to cry and feel pain. Why would we ever cheer without them if they were never available to begin with? Tears are a necessity to a smile.

Are we all lost out there and are simply distracted by love, work, etc. Do we all secretly wish when we touch a wall for no reason, it'll melt away and a garden will rise out of simply nowhere. And we won't question it, but just walk ahead. Have we spent so much time living in reality when all we really want is magic?

Other side of the looking glass

I skipped a day, those kind of things are bound to happen. It's early morning and have yet to settle in. It's only been two weeks now though, maybe closer to three. Soon enough, I lose the ability to use that line.

Just yesterday I had a close encounter with a spider, supposedly called a huntsman and harmless, so they say. Nevermind the damage it already did to my nerves by simply seeing it motionless on the door. Of course, I'm joking, I'm not that crazy over a spider but have to admit, some things we can all do without seeing. Living in New York, we all know the roaches are there...even the centipedes, oh those are fun. It's not until we see them that we can't get them off our minds, like we've just seen a bad horror movie and are just waiting for the mutated body to slowly creak our door open and find it's way to our sleeping selves. Well...trying-to-sleep selves, we're probably too busy glued on the door, I'm positive there was movement that last second ago.

I applied to a few places yesterday, even though I don't feel quite ready to actually look. I guess it's kinda like that initial forced step, otherwise you'd never be ready. I want to keep going with my custom designs
(http://www.zazzle.com/jonyxdesign*) but I know the time it needs is vast and that's just to keep creating, afterwards come marketting. This wouldn't be a hard issue if it were simple to just deal with how things are now. My other half makes the money, I don't really. I have before in NYC and far more than him and that made me feel great. The job itself did get a bit dull after awhile and the idea of taking a plunge across country was far more interesting. But now, I feel like I need that feeling of superiority again, hard to do without. I know people, well women, that are just content with taking the backseat, being taken care of and making absolutely nothing but I think they're crazy. Maybe they think I'm crazy too.

Morning on one side

Here it is, Monday and writing...Not much going on to talk about. Still working on my own designs, still hoping for this to be successful. Only can know if you try, I'd guess. It's a shame money makes the world go around. So much time is spent on finding it, only few hours remain to enjoy it seems.

Went back into the console world the other day. It was nice. I didn't play myself, but I watched. It's a thing I like to do. They're good at creating an escape and a world you'd like to step into just once...even if that world includes mutated creatures or roaming dinosaurs. It's different and that's what we look for.

Thinking about the need of an addiction. How many people have many of those? Whether smoking, gaming, partying, even doing nothing...there's that need to have something to run to for safety. I don't think I've found mine yet. I used to have a major one in Warcraft. The people turned me off in the end. I went back more than once though, it's so easy to wrap around. I think I've talked about this before but I'm trying something new...keeping eyes off the past, including previously written blogs.

Working on the third week now, not quite used to this country. I expected to get used to it day one..everything perfect. Of course, that's not how it worked out. All the swatted fears landed in the same instant, ever had that happen? Not easy to dodge them all, one is bound to hit you. I guess the thing is whether or not to let it knock you down or just push you back a few steps. Up to you.

Cheers